I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
