Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
