Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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