So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
