I feel like abortions should bother me more
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
