I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
