Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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