Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Randomize
