3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
