Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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