just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
