i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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