You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
