There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
