is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
