Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
