mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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