I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
