Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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