and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
