As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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