Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
