I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize