We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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