I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
