Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Randomize
