is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
