i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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