so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
