reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
