after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
