were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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