Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize