i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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