your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
