my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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