After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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