I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
