is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
