your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
