Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize