you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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