I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
