Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
