I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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