once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
