Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
