i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
