so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
