You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
