WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
