Buhtt sex?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
