You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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