What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
