Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
