Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
