walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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