How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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