She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
