his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
