Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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