im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
