why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
