Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize