My liver just broke up with me...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
