Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
