woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
