the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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