Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
