On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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