it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize