Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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