pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize