All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
