fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
