in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I need to stop coming to work sober
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
