hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
