Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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