thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
