Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
