K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
