So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
