There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
