Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
