you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
