remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize