i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
