Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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