Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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