Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
