new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
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