I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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