...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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