i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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