Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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