no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize