AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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