Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
