I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
