I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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